Getting What You Want

Sometimes all we need is a hug to feel remembered, loved and protected.

Or maybe, it's just about grabbing what you really need? This question invites us to dive headfirst into the wild world of our desires and necessities. How do we tell the difference between what we truly need and what we just fancy having? Does this difference even matter in our lives?

Let's kick things off by breaking down the difference between needs and wants. Needs are the basics you need to survive and feel good—like food, a place to live, and healthcare. These are the must-haves that keep us going, both physically and emotionally. Wants, though, are more like the extras that spice up life—think luxury stuff, fun activities, or cool experiences. They're not crucial for survival, but they sure make life more exciting. So, what makes you feel loved, cared for, or special?

Figuring out this distinction can be as tricky as trying to fold a fitted sheet. Society bombards us with messages that mix up needs and wants, often convincing us that we need certain luxuries to be happy or fulfilled. This confusion can lead to a merry-go-round of unfulfilled desires, where we chase after fleeting wants while ignoring our basic needs.

I've found myself being the ultimate champion for others. Picture a baby pitbull, fiercely loyal and ready to defend the pack with all the tenacity of a caffeinated squirrel. Whether it's helping a friend through a rough patch, get a reduction in a penalty or standing up for a colleague, I'm always ready to leap into action. But when it comes to speaking up for myself, I often trip over my own shoelaces.

Putting others first might come from wanting people to like us, being scared of being called "selfish," not feeling worthy to be treated as we want or just not feeling confident enough to ask for what we want. It makes you wonder: why is it easier to cheer for someone else than to celebrate ourselves? This can make us feel like we're juggling everyone else's needs like an overworked circus clown, while our own needs get totally ignored.

Neglecting our own needs can severely impact our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Continuously prioritizing others can make us feel drained, frustrated, and anxious, much like deflated balloons. Eventually, this may lead to an unbalanced life where we see ourselves more as caretakers than equals in a relationship. Over time, this can create a lopsided life where the notion of not being good enough is reinforced, albeit not intentionally by friends and family. They get everything they want and no one does an iota of the same for us because we aren't worth the effort.

It's crucial to remember that acknowledging and addressing our needs isn't selfish; it's a cornerstone of self-care. By taking the time to figure out what we truly need—whether it's a nap, a hug, or a hobby—we can nurture a healthier relationship with ourselves and those around us.

So, how do we walk the tightrope between meeting our needs and doing for others? It all starts with a little self-awareness and reflection. Taking a moment to assess our feelings and desires can help us pinpoint what we genuinely need versus what we want. There also needs to be the vulnerability to ask. I am feeling like I don't matter, I am feeling disrespected, I am feeling like I want to take a wrench and wing it....well you get the idea

Setting boundaries is like finding the holy grail. Learning to say no or prioritizing our time and energy for our own needs can help us live a more balanced life. It allows us to be there for others without turning into a human doormat. Sometimes its just about feeling heard, without judgement and getting that damn hug. It's a handful of wildflowers he brings home after his walk. It's feeling safe to say what's in your head or heart. It's someone supporting you, understanding how you feel and validating it.

The quest to understand our wants and needs is an ongoing adventure, filled with introspection, courage, and a dash of self-advocacy. By recognizing the importance of our own needs and learning to voice them, we can not only enhance our own lives but also become better cheerleaders for those around us. He can't read my mind. My kids can't read my mind. Maybe that's a good thing....

He tells me to write for myself, and it's not about him.